Half-full / half-empty - either way, something got wet in the process...

It is said that the glass is either half-full or half-empty, depending on your point of view. I tend not to worry either way. What concerns me is where the contents have gone/could end up any second.

It never ceases to amaze me how such a small amount of liquid can spread over an unfeasibly large area, and make everything so wet.

This was my experiece, yet again, the other day in spilling an apparently miniscule amount of orange juice. How could I need to change and wash my soaked clothes, along with the dripping blanket and, half a kitchen roll later appear to have the same volume of juice in my glass as before?

I had recently thought this particular habit of spilling/dropping/knocking-over drinks (whilst sober) had been improving, until 'Drink the Bar Dry' at the Student's Union a couple of weeks ago.

Half way through the evening, this time I simply lost my grip on a glass. I blame it being a silly plastic flexible glass - though it might be just as well that it was! Given I had survived my first few drinks safely, I'd obviously let my guard down.

It was in the much classier venue later, where a friend had insisted on buying a round of hideously expensive Long Island Iced Teas that the spectacular happened. From about 5 inches above the table, my drink again slipped through my fingers... with horror I saw it fall in slow-motion to it's doom. It hit the table, wobbled on it's narrow base and remained upright - not a drop spilt! Hooray! There may be hope for me after all...

Quotations edition 2.

"If it works it's not cheating"

A conversation where the answer to everything became:
"Have you tried painting him with mud?"

Here's a great one I heard on the radio this week, which I'd like to dedicate to 'a dear friend', from Old Harry's Game:
"I'm Satan. Nothing scares me... except Anne Robinson... and cycle couriers."

The New Blog of Solace

Not a quantum, but an excellent new blog by a friend of mine who runs Solace: the Church in a Bar

Epic Exam Preparation

This afternoon I had a Greek exam. To say I wasn't looking forward to it would be an understatement of epic proportions, if that's not some kind of paradox!.

That was until about ten minutes before kick-off, when we somehow managed to work out what the passage for translation would almost certainly be. Thankfully, I had read it twice already that morning, with the same suspicion. Others even less familiar with the Bible than myself (yes, it's possible apparently) were a bit panicked by not being able to remember much of it. So an acquaintance sitting another exam at the same venue kindly lent me a Bible.

Thus, I found myself standing on the steps of the Temple of Peace, an umbrella held up in one hand, a Bible in the other, loudly proclaiming the word of the Lord to a small crowd of completely rapt first years.

Just bizarre!

Family Reunion / It's no use crying over spilt drinks

I spent Saturday night at the engagement party of a distant relative I had never previously heard of. It seems the event was being used as an excuse for a family reunion. So I spent quite a while being dragged around my Mother's cousins being introduced: "This is Louise; my eldest" to which I dutifully shook hands and said how nice it was to meet them. I was rarely told to whom I was being introduced though.

Eventually I drifted off and began meeting people my own age who were all 42nd cousins 3rd removed, and even discovering friends in common. As we mingled and chatted, one guy asked me who I was. I told him, and asked the same. The response was "Who am I? It's my party!" It seems this was the groom-to-be, and possibly the first non-relative I'd met all evening. Poor man must have felt invaded by the in-laws!

Also, within 5 minutes of arriving, I had managed to pour a drink all down the back of my leg. Well, if Mother will insist on leaving it in places where I can knock it over!

Unfortunately, this wasn't a great surprise given my reputation. Spilling drinks, usually the first of the evening, has become part of what people expect from me. Friends of mine have repeatedly threatened to buy me a Tommy Tippy cup for nights out. Throwing wine spectacularly has become known as 'Doing a Louise' in some circles. Why would I want to go changing and leaving people disappointed?!

Funny quotations

A couple of great ones heard last week:

"I played chicken with a pidgeon... and lost"

"It's OK, you're my brothers in Christ - you're allowed to look at my breasts."

Brilliant T-shirt

This could have been designed for me - NakedPastor I salute you!

Flower power

I love flowers. I get very excited at receiving them, especially out of the blue.

On Sunday I was flattered to receive two batches! The kids were distributing little bunches of daffodils in the morning's service, which was very sweet. Then in the evening, even though I wasn't in the service, someone kindly thought of me for a bunch of the church flowers (a rare privilege!) and sent them home for me with a housemate - thanks Hen.

They're gorgeous, and the flat smells wonderful. Though I have a small niggling feeling of paranoia...
It was Mothers' Day...

The mouths of babes...

I was at the farmers' market this morning, glancing at the hand-made chocolate stall. A small boy was eyeing up the large Easter eggs, and noticing me, he started a conversation...

Small Boy: You should buy one of these.
Me: I'd love to but I shouldn’t.
SB: Why not?
Me: Because my tummy's already too big! We don't want it to be any bigger do we?
SB: (ponderously) I know you don't have a baby in there... but if you did, and you ate one of those really big eggs, the baby could get squashed couldn't it?..."

Even with such a rudimentary understanding of biology, I was grateful for his support in the non-pregnant campaign!

Not me!

Sunday morning I was innocently sitting at the drum kit waiting for the service to start. From my vantage point I could see a few groups of visitors, mainly kids of church members, who had long grown up, moved away, and were back for a visit.

One couple were celebrating their golden wedding anniversary, and it was lovely to see their daughter and grandchildren had come from abroad. I also spotted Louise and her husband hidden in the middle of a row. She had long gone off to University by the time I joined the church, and though I'd met them both through family and friends, I'm sure half the congregation hadn't.

During the welcome, one lady dashed up to whisper in the announcer's ear. Clearly flustered at a last-second piece of news, he failed to remember her married name, and not wishing to call her by her maiden name declared:
"Louise... is expecting!"

Needless to say, most eyes turned (if for some, only briefly) to the familiar Louise displayed like a prize lemon on a platform at the front. Much laughter, arm waving, head shaking and pointing at the real culprit later, I think I’d made my point.

This didn’t stop a friend from making “...in your condition.” comments at every opportunity after the service. I made it quite clear that if he kept that up I would stop denying it, and instead, take to telling everyone it was his!